Dear Yahoo! Sports

If you can’t afford proper writers, hire an editor…

The latest on Deflategate was the equivalent of Houston Texans owner Bob McNair giving us his $0.02. (Hey, what happened to the cents sign on my virtual keyboard?) It included the following paragraph.

McNair’s comments don’t include were any analysis of how an email from the NFL to the Patriots and a subsequent ESPN report that 11 of 12 footballs were significantly deflated — a report that was never corrected by the league even though it was wrong — helped turn a minor issue into a scandal. McNair also didn’t say that Brady was unaware not giving over his personal communication would lead to punishment, and he didn’t acknowledge that nowhere in the CBA does it state that a player’s personal communication is subject to review by the NFL. Or that Brady cooperated with investigator Ted Wells otherwise by answering every question, as did the Patriots aside from not making employee Jim McNally available for a fifth interview.

That might just be the worst string of words the Internet has inflicted on the English reading world in a long, long time. One might be tempted to call it a paragraph, but at best it’s a disjointed collection of run on sentences (or sentence fragments) full of misused words, double negatives and generally confusing ideas and statements. It’s only held together by the fate of double spaced breaks on either end, which lends it the illusion of being a paragraph.

It’s clearly a knee jerk “article” written by a Patriot fan-boi who was in such a rush defending Brady and the cheaters, they couldn’t actually check what ended up on the page before submitting it. Lots of fires need putting-out in Beantown, I suppose.

But the fact that the Yahoo! Sports editors put it up on the web in this form is shameful. Next time they allow cut and paste “reporting,” at least have the gonads to print in the same language it was originally written. (I’m guessing it was either Klingon or Enochian?)

I move that Brady should be suspended an additional four games to cover this shame. All in favour say “aye”…. The ayes carry the vote by the tally of the Foxboro season ticket holders to every English speaking human. Sorry, Tom. Guess you’ll have to stay home with your supermodel wife another couple weeks. Life’s a bitch, huh?